SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
