Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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