Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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