I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
