someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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