i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
