Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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