I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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