She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
