omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
