That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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