Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
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i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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