so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
