So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
