Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
