I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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