Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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