The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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