May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
