Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
