i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
