Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
