she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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