I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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