chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we made out on top of his cat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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