pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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