I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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