Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
