have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I need moral support for this bender
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I had to cum in my sink.
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