Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
