My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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