Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
