are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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