I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
