I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
