then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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