for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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