the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
