Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
