your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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