I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
