Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
