Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
