I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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