If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
