Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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