another moral hangover. fuck.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
