Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
