I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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