Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
