Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
