Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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