im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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