not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
