I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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