Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
