I'm eating all of the evidence.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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