i don't like sucking hair
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
