Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
