Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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