I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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