So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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