it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
