I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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