I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
