I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
