We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
