Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
