My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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