Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
