Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
