I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
