he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
