Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
