i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
