So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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