it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
