woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
