CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Holy sore nipples Batman
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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