I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
